eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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