I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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