GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
