There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
