My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
how does that bad decision feel?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
