fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
