Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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