me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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