i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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