Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
