I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
