well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just had sex bonerless
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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