i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
