they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
