How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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