All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
