I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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