just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
