Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
