Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
