After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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