just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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