Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
