TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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