we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
