I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
