Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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