I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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