How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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