why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
