sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
