mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
