I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
