We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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