My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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