i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
