YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
