Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
