I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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