i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
