dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
