i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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