Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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