I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
