so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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