You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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