worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
