Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
