Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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