"it" just moved
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
