I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
