dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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