I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
