I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she peed on how many people?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
